Old Age and Pavano Lose To Youth And Skill Every Time.

OK.

OK. BREATHE.

STORY OF UNIVERSE CENTURY LIFE IN THIS MONTH'S GQ. 13 YEAR OLD BILLY BEANE WANNABE MANAGING MINOR LEAGUE TEAM/SHITSHOW SOMEWHERE IN ARIZONA. NOT JOKE. REAL.

HEADLINE:

THE BOY OF SUMMER
You keep hearing how general managers in baseball are getting younger and younger. But you won’t believe how young until you meet Jake Lloyd of the Ash Fork Miners. He’s brilliant, he’s ambitious, and he’s revolutionizing America’s pastime. Did we mention he’s 13? - Jason Gay, GQ, June 2007.

OK. FUCK. OK. I CAN DEAL. WHAT HAS THIS DO WITH PAVANO, ASK?

"As we sit, a tall, gray-haired man starts walking toward us.."

NOT GOING TO KILL THEM. TOO BAD.

I know who you are,” Jake says. “Whatever you want to tell me, you can tell these guys. They’re cool.”

“Well, we’re prepared to make you an offer,” the man says. “We’d like you to come run our Staten Island team next year.”

“Single-A?” Jake rolls his eyes. “Maybe if I was, like, 11. I think I can handle a little bit more than that.”

“Tampa thought you’d say that. All right, how about the double-A club, up in Trenton?”

I’m not sure I believe what I’m hearing—a man in his seventies negotiating with a 13-year-old over running a team in the Yankees farm system.

NOT SURE WHERE TO DIRECT HATRED ANGRY ARGH FOR THIS. WILL FIGURE OUT, MAKE BLOG, MAKE HATE.

“Is that the best you can do?” Jake says. “I’m sure I can call John Henry and Theo and they’ll be happy to make room for me up in Pawtucket. Or hell, I’ll go work for free as a summer intern up in Boston. Help get them A-Rod next summer.”

“Or Mussina,” says Tyler the Intern.

“What do you want, Jake, the Bronx?” the man says. “Steinbrenner’s not that crazy.”

SMART NO FUCK AROUND KID. THIS WHY BOSTON HAS BULLPEN, YANKEES HAVE BULLCOCKSHIT. BUT GETS GOOD HERE! HERE! LOOK! LOOK AT THIS!

Jake grins. “Oh yeah? He gave $40 million to Carl Pavano. Go tell George I’m flattered by his interest. But I got high school next year.”

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK! BOY SCOUT BEANE KNOWS THAN MORE WOULD ALREADY HAVE CANNED PAVANO AND HAD BY BALLS! $40 MILLION GO COULD TO THIS KID! KID SHOW UP TO WORK AND SCHOOL! PAVANO NOT SHOW UP AT ALL! FUCK YOUUUU PAVANO SAYS BOY SCOUT! BOY SCOUT KNOWS!